Locked :)
by Anhilare
Summary: Alya takes some advice from Ladybug given to her during Animan. What advice, you say? You know what. !Crack later on, to the point of ridiculousness. WARNING: Chapter 3 was written when I had gone without sleep for over 24 hours. Reader discretion is advised. Heavily. (it says 22 in that chapter, but I was lying)
1. Plan ακυ

**Just Alya being Alya.**

* * *

There was an akuma, and Alya managed to get to the site before either Ladybug or Cat Noir showed up.

Well, of course, she did, since the attack started about a block away from the café she was at with Nino, Marinette, and Adrien, interrupting their otherwise peaceful lunch.

Alya decided that today was the day that her secret Plan Alpha Kappa Upsilon would start. What is that, you ask? If I told you, then it wouldn't be a secret.

She came prepared. She chose that café for a reason. All she needed was an akuma attack. Alya found herself praying for one for the first (and probably only) time in her life. As you know, it came.

When Marinette started to dash away, Alya said, "Nuh-uh, girl, you're coming with me," grabbed her arm, and ran out of the café with a struggling Marinette.

"Alya! What are you doing?!"

"It's about time you saw an akuma for yourself, Marinette! I'm taking you with me so I can share the joy with you."

Marinette was shocked, to say the least. She was not expecting Alya to drag her along, and it was seriously impeding her ability to transform.

Meanwhile, Adrien was facing a similar predicament, except instead of being dragged _toward_ the akuma, he was being dragged _away_ by Nino.

"Nino, I really have to go!"

"No way, man. There's no way I'm letting you go AWOL on me this time!"

Nino really hated it when his best friend vanished during akumas. He would remain lonely, and he wanted to have a friend to talk to.

He also didn't want to resort to Alya, for obvious reasons.

Adrien groaned. Getting away from Nino would be difficult. "But I like going AWOL! It's fun!"

Marinette was fighting Alya at this point. She really had to go, so she resorted to lying. "Alya, please! I'm really scared!"

"Fine, but I have to make sure you're safe. Follow me, I know a good hiding spot." Alya smiled. The situation was perfect on her side. She needed to know whether it was the right time, however, so she phoned Nino.

 _"Hey, Alya."_

 _"Hi, Nino. Can you tell me the status of Mr. Sunshine?"_

 _Uncooperative."_

 _"Perfect. Just what we needed. Mrs. Agreste is in the same situation, so I feel like Plan Alpha Kappa Upsilon can now commence. You know what to do."_

 _"Got it."_

Nino suddenly stopped and changed his attitude. He then calmly told Adrien, "Listen. I can't force you to stay with me, and I respect that. Now, at least let me find you a decent hiding place."

Adrien was pleasantly surprised. That made him suspicious. _Something's up,_ he thought. _He would never let me go that easily, Besides, he never talks like that._ He followed Nino anyway.

Marinette was just confused. First, Alya drags her to the akuma. She then calls someone and talks nonsense. _Who's Mr. Sunshine?_ wondered Marinette. _Do I know him? Why was she talking about Adrien's mom? What's a 'plan alpha kappa upsilon'?_

Alya then becomes really (and weirdly) understanding, saying things like, "Ok, if you're so scared, then I'll take you to a good hiding place" or "Shh, it's ok, Mari, there's nothing to be scared of."

 _What is going on?_

Nino and Adrien arrived at Site Theta, aka the maintenance closet. Nino led Adrien into the door and closed it. Not ten seconds later, Alya and Marinette approached, and Marinette practically ran into the closet without realizing that Adrien was inside.

Alya slammed and locked the door before either of them could run out, and she ran away, cackling.

Adrien saw Marinette fly into the door and have it slammed shut, and he swore he heard a click. _Oh, n_ o! he panicked. _I'm trapped and I can't transform with Marinette here! What am I gonna do?_ He tested the door. _It's locked. Great._

Marinette was fuming. "Damn you, Alya," she muttered. Then she turned to Adrien and told him, "Well, we can't stay trapped here forever. One way or another, we have to get out of here." Then hastily added: "Not that it's unpleasant being with you, or anything."

"Oh it's alright, I understand completely. Did I hear you say that Alya did this? Why would she do it?"

Marinette blushed, chuckled nervously, and told him, "O-oh, no reason... Just Alya being Alya, I guess..."

The room fell into an awkward silence for a few minutes. The door was steel-lined, so there was no kicking it down. Both of them knew that they'd have to transform eventually, but they weren't comfortable doing that yet.

In that silence, Tikki and Plagg had an actual tea party in the upper shelves, making sure to stay quiet. Marinette had accidentally put tea instead of cookies in her bag, and there was a tap in the closet with hot water. All they had to do was use Plagg's camembert box as a teapot, and _voilà,_ improvised kwami tea party.

"I have to admit, Tikki, this will be the funniest reveal we've had in a couple millennia. Who knew, the elusive Ladybug and Cat Noir's identities defeated by the greatest beast of all: shipping."

"I have to agree, Plagg. Alya's really outdone herself this time. At least it's between them and not with anyone else."

"Yeah. If it were Alya..."

They shuddered at the thought.

After a moment of silence, Plagg resumed with, "How many others of our chosens have been in such a situation?"

Tikki giggled before replying, "Which situation?"

Marinette nearly had a heart attack when she heard a soft cackling. She convinced herself it was a delusion.

"That's a good question. How about the love square?"

The next 3 minutes or so were spent discussing the famous square's absurdities and all the times where their identities could have been revealed.

"And when Volpina attacked, it was exhausting for me. I had to—"

A deep breath rumbled through the room, and the two kwamis absorbed their tea within seconds. They _had_ to hear this.

"Ok. I didn't want to do this," breathed Adrien, "but it seems like I have no choice. Marinette, can you keep a secret?"

" _Ha_ ," whispered Plagg. "My chosen cracked first."

"Oh, hush. You know that Marinette has self-confidence issues."

Marinette was petrified. "You trust me to keep your secret?"

"Yep, and no one else knows it. I'm counting on you to tell no one, _especially Alya._ "

 _Wow, that's a lot of pressure to put on me._ "O-ok. I will."

"Great. Now, please don't faint. Plagg, claws out."

Marinette did faint, but not before muttering, "Oh, lovely. Here's where I say Tikki, spots on."

Adrien was the next to collapse.

Outside, Nino fled the scene. He was standing guard for Alya to keep tabs on their progress. He couldn't hear what they were saying, but he did hear two very distinct thumps, causing some very impure thoughts to fly through his head.

As for what happened next, let's just say the Fu will be pleased.

* * *

 **There will be more. I ain't done with this.**

 **I know that this looks rushed, and I'm sorry about that. I also know that the ending _might_ be a little confusing, but I'll clear it up in the next chapters.**

 **╰(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)━ ﾟ.*･｡ﾟ Mwee hehe**


	2. Tea Party

**This took way too long.**

 **Being** **a Zelda fan who just got Breath of the Wild on his brand-new Nintendo Switch doesn't really help in the 'efficiency' department.**

* * *

Tikki and Plagg rarely got the time to enjoy a good ol' fashioned tea party with each other.

It's no wonder that they decided to scrape one together after being stuck in a closet with their petrified chosens.

Marinette, being her usual absent-minded self, accidentally took a bag from the tea drawer instead of a cookie from the cookie rack.

Tikki wasn't even gonna _try_ to guess how she managed to make that mistake.

That proved to be useful, though, because it gave her the tea necessary for the kwamis' traditional tea party.

There's a reason why Plagg wolfs down his cheese early, and it's in case a situation like this arises. In the past, Plagg learned that Camembert boxes served as excellent impromptu teapots, so he came prepared. He's no glutton, he's actually far-sighted.

The closet had a faucet, luckily, and with Tikki's magic, the water was brought to a boiling within seconds. The water pooled into the box, the teabag floated into the water, and the kwamis breathed in the relaxing aroma of the steeping tea.

"So," began Plagg, "we're gonna be here a while, judging by the looks on their faces." Plagg is quite a respectable character when he isn't teasing, which is never for humans.

Tikki sighed and responded with, "You're probably right." Then she brightened considerably and added, "that means we'll have _plenty_ of time to talk about them."

They both grinned evilly and sipped some tea from the box.

"I have to admit, Tikki, this will be the funniest reveal we've had in a couple millennia. Who knew, the elusive Ladybug and Cat Noir's identities defeated by the greatest beast of all: shipping."

"I have to agree, Plagg. Alya's really outdone herself this time. At least it's between them and not with anyone else." She sipped.

"Yeah. If it were Alya..."

They shuddered at the thought, then sipped some tea to calm themselves.

After a moment of silence, Plagg resumed with, "How many others of our chosens have been in such a situation?" He sipped.

Tikki giggled before replying, "Which situation?"

Plagg softly cackled and replied, "That's a good question. How about the love square?"

"Oh, don't get me _started_ on that. Remember Lady Wifi?"

"I don't know how I could possibly forget. I was so mad at Adrien when he didn't open the door. I told him, 'What were you thinking? That was your one chance to figure who the love of your life really is!' and he was like, 'Thats it, Plagg. I don't think when I'm around her.'" He sipped.

Tikki nearly spit out the tea she was sipping. "He _didn't._ "

"Oh, but he did, Tikki. When he said that, I thought to myself, _You're a superhero! You're_ supposed _to use your head!_ "

The kwamis shook their heads and laughed. This was too entertaining for their own good. They sipped some tea.

"Tikki, I've got some good ones: Horrificator and Kung Food."

Tikki gasped and replied, "I know, right? How could they be so dense? The place is sealed, Adrien straight up says 'it's impenetrable' in both cases. Then both Marinette and Adrien disappear while Ladybug and Cat Noir magically appear." She sipped.

"And the damn place is sealed. I can't believe no one thought, 'Oh, I wonder how they got in, if the stuff's so impenetrable?'"

"I know, right?! Speaking of which, Plagg, have you ever wondered why no one ever thought, 'Damn, Ladybug and Cat Noir sure appeared real fast'? I mean, they've "conveniently" been at the site of so many attacks that the process of elimination can be used to find them out."

"All the time. I mean, they appeared so quickly in Evillustrator and Reflekta that I'm surprised that nobody noticed." He sipped.

"You know, I'm surprised that Alya didn't notice anything. That girl is a _hawk._ _Nothing_ escapes her gaze, except Ladybug, so I'm honestly shocked that she did t figure it out."

They sighed and shook their heads, then sipped some tea. Plagg said, "Remember Simon Says?"

"Of course I do. I can't even imagine how hard it must have been for you to transform and detransform so many times."

"I was exhausted. Adrien's excuse was godawful, too. I mean, a shower? He's (un)lucky that Marinette has such a huge crush on him and can't think properly."

"You're right. If it was any other person, she would have said, 'Yeah, that's great. So, tell me, please, _why isn't your hair wet?_ ' and _voilà,_ all their problems are solved."

They shook their heads again, and Plagg piped up again, "Let's say our most difficult akuma attacks."

"When Antibug attacked and I was eating. I had to convince Marinette to save your chosen while she was detransformed, and _boy_ was that difficult. I swear, she's so stubborn."

"For me, it's got to be Simon Says. I was so tired after that, I felt like Camembert goo."

"That must have been awful. I also didn't like dealing with Marinette during Darkblade. She just, ugh."

Plagg laughed. Tikki scowled at him and said, "So, Simon Says was exhausting."

"And when Volpina attacked, it was exhausting for me. I had to—"

A deep breath rumbled through the room, and the two kwamis absorbed their tea within seconds, even though it was cold from sitting still for too long. They had to hear this.

"Ok. I didn't want to do this," breathed Adrien, "but it seems like I have no choice. Marinette, can you keep a secret?"

"Ha," whispered Plagg. "My chosen cracked first."

"Oh, hush. You know that Marinette has self-confidence issues."

The kwamis were squealing internally. _It's happening!_ they thought.

"You trust me to keep your secret?"

"Yep, and no one else knows it. I'm counting on you to tell no one, especially Alya."

Tikki whispered to Plagg, "If Marinette wasn't Ladybug, that would have been a smart move."

Plagg replied with a smug grin, and Tikki rolled her eyes at that.

"O-ok. I will."

"Great. Now, please don't faint. Plagg, claws out."

Adrien transformed into Cat Noir, and Tikki could tell that Marinette was on the verge of collapse. She gave Marinette a burst of confidence which caused her to mutter, "Oh, lovely. Here's where I say Tikki spots on."

Tikki happily entered the earrings. She didn't focus on maintaining the transformation, so it dropped soon after Adrien fainted. Plagg followed, and they both heard Nino flee.

"Plagg, you heard that, right?"

"Yeah. It seems like Little Miss Césaire had a sentry on guard."

"If they hadn't fainted, that could have been _bad._ "

"You're right, Tikki, but now they have to deal with whatever Nino told Alya. Knowing him, it's nothing innocent."

Tikki giggled and said, "Well, Plagg, I'd expect for you to be happy. After all, situations like this are your cup of tea, aren't they?"

* * *

 **I needed the pun.**

 **I'll have the next chapter up eventually. I won't assure you when, but I can tell you that it might not be this month, but it definitely won't be after early next month.**

 **Bye until then.**


	3. IM SLEEP DEPRIVED KAY SO TOLERATE IT

**In this chapter we'll find out** **that denial is a powerful, um, _thing._**

* * *

Nino ran from the scene as fast as his legs could carry him, one goal in his mind.

 _Must tell Alya,_ he thought. _She'll flip when she hears this! Besides, I can't keep_ this _to myself._

During his internal monologue, he accidentally collided with an agitated Ladyblog-streaming Alya. She was chasing the akuma for nearly half an hour and there was still no sign of either hero.

"Nino!" she snapped. "What are you doing here?! You're supposed to be at site theta!"

"Uhm, I just thought that I could give them some privacy, with what they were doing and all..." Nino also desperately wanted to leave. He was bored.

At this one of Alya's eyebrows cocked upwards. "Some privacy, eh? Do explain." Then she turned her focus to her phone and said, "Yo, peeps, some private matters popped up and I'ma have to end the live stream. I'll put it back up when our tardy super duo comes."

Master Fu was sad that the stream ended. He wanted to hear news of Adrienette.

Alya strared Nino in the face and said, "You'd better have a good reason for leaving site theta."

Nino rubbed the back of his head and replied, "Well, I was standing there listening to my beats, when I heard a loud *bump* from the closet. You know how loud my music is, so me actually hearing the bump through my tunes means that something major must have happened. I took off my headphones and put my ear on the door real fast, and I heard Marinette moan before bumping against the door. Then I freaked and dashed over to you, Miss Love-expert."

Alya considered the story before ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)-ing at Nino and saying, "Based on the data you have collected, Nino, the results of my analysis are as follows: There were two distinct thumps on the door, meaning that they were pretty rowdy. Now comes another important point: Marinette moaned. That can mean only one thing, Nino."

Nino knew exactly what Alya meant, but he chose to say "she's frustrated" for the sake of you pure, innocent readers.

Alya was aware of that, so she continued, "Yes, precisely. Based on those two, we can deduce what they were doing with one rhyme."

Nino eagerly awaited with wide eyes.

"Marinette and Adrien, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N- _G_. First comes _love_ , then comes _marriage,_ then comes a baby in a baby _carriage._ "

Nino didn't know what to say to that. "I don't get it."

"Nino?"

"Wat"

"Tell me, please, what comes in between 'marriage' and 'carriage'."

Again, with the fate of the readers' purity in mind and to preserve the K rating, Nino selflessly said, "Then comes a baby in a baby."

No, Alya, that doesn't sound wrong, what are you talking about.

"Yes, precisely ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)" she replied. And winked. For the children!

"So now we know that Marinette is no St. Mary. Oh, look, the heroes arrived. Gotta go film, bye!" She sprinted away.

Back at 'site theta'...

Marinette and Adrien were still unconscious, and their kwamis were getting anxious. They were no fun unconscious.

They didn't know what to do. Slaps didn't work, shouts gave no result, and even Tikki's famous pinches did nothing.

Until they saw the now-stale tea. Immediately, the same thought flashed through their minds. Plagg grabbed the box-teapot, and he poured half its contents onto each sucker.

 _That_ did the trick.

You see, nothing is more unpleasant than waking up to cold liquid, especially if it's not water. In fact, I'm pretty sure hell is a nice lullaby-land, only once you fall asleep, some monster pours freezing syrup on your face.

They managed to bolt up at the same time, and they collided into each other (through some sort of weird divine influence. Plagg poured the tea on them at different times; there's no _way_ that could have happened). They tried to cough out an apology, but they couldn't because they were busy, um, _coughing._

"Hokay then," prompted Marinette. "That was a weird dream.

"You had one too?" said Adrien.

"Yeah. Mine was about you suddenly turning into Cat Noir, and then I transformed into Ladybug—using some sort of dream magic, of course, since I don't possess the Ladybug earrings, meaning I can't transform, and it was only a dream, of course—and we both fainted.

"Really? That's funny. I had the same dream, just from my perspective."

"Wow, _what a coincidence._ "

During that awkward exchange, the kwamis slowly made their way to their chosens. Just not their respective ones.

"Mari _nette_ "urged Plagg. "You have to transform into Ladybug! Otherwise you'll be stuck here with _Adrien!_ You could _die_ form _shame_ and _embarrassment!_ "

"Not now, Tikki. Not with Adrien here!"

Plagg sniggered.

"What's so funny?" hissed Marinette.

"Nooothiiiing" crooned Plagg.

At the same time, Tikki was doing the same thing to Adrien:

"Hey, kid" she whisper-yelled. "You gotta transform! Do you wanna miss a round of seeing _Laaadyyybuuuuug?_ "

"Not here, Plagg, or else Marinette'll see us?"

"good" grumbled Tikki.

"What was that?"

Tikki decided to shut up then and there.

Plagg looked at her, and they decided on Plan B.

"Transfooooorm," went the kwamis.

"TransfooOOOOooorm!"

"TransfoOoOOooOrm!"

"Spots ooOOOoon!"

"Claws ouOUOUout!"

They continued floating around the closet, imitating the stereotypical ghost. Marinette and Adrien were giving furfurious looks at their kwamis, somehow blind to the other one.

Ugghh.

Eventually, Marinette snapped.

"Tikki, that's enough! Stop it!"

"Neeevvvveeeeerrrrrr!"

"Seriously, Tikki! Stahp it!"

"Maaake meeeeee!"

In her fury, Marinette wasn't in her right mind (fortunately for Ladynoir shippers). "UGGGGHHHHH! I've HAD it with you! TIKKI, SPOTS ON!" _That'll shut 'er up!_

Tikki joyfully entered the miraculous, cackling along the way.

Plagg chose this moment to descend from Above and audaciously tell Adrien, "Great. Now it's your turn."

Adrien happily Cataclysmed the door a few seconds later.

Finally, they could battle the akuma.

They journeyed their way on over and saw Alya frantically running toward the café. Which is where the akuma was headed.

"Oh my," said Ladybug to her partner. "If we stalled for a little longer, we would've died."

"Yeah, we would've died," echoed Cat Noir.

Alya was still frantically running when she remembered: there are superheroes right behind her. So she did the wise thing and shouted, "Ladybug! My friends Marinette and Adrien are trapped in there! Save them, please!"

Ladybug tried very hard not to laugh, and she succeeded. She told Alya, "Is Marinette a girl with black hair in pigtails? 'Cuz I rescued a girl with black pigtails and a boy with shortish blond hair."

Alya visibly relaxed and said, "Yeah, that's them." Then she went all ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) and asked Ladybug, "What were they doing?"

Marinette knew that face, and she decided to give Alya what she wanted. It would satisfy Alya, and it would force Adrien to be with her. BWA HA HA!

"Oh, it was great. I wish I'd taken a picture. Cat Noir used his Cataclysm to reveal one girl and one boy sitting there and sucking face. They were so steamy and blegh that they didn't notice until _one Cat_ coughed _particularly loudly_ and spoiled the moment. I bet they'll freak out when you confront them. Too bad Ladybug is against them on this one." Ladybug walkwalked toward Alya and murmured into her ear, "Besides, they're cute together."

And she zipped off, leaving a bewildered-yet-ecstatic Alya. I mean, if Ladybug wasn't a superhero, her weird, confusing, and frankly rushed spiel would've caused anyone to go, "Yer lyin'."

 _"I-I don't put up with lies, especially when they're about me!" –Ladybug Dupain-Cheng, Ep. 26_ _"Volpina"_

When Cat Noir heard what Ladybug spewed out, he was just confused. _Why did she say all that?_ he wondered. Well, he'll find out tomorrow. Ladybug so t say anything, that's for sure.

So they start fighting the akuma, and Ladybug summons her "Lucky Charm!".

It's a box of Camembert de Normandie!

"Why would we need Camembert?"

"Blip blip blip" said Cat Noir's ring. It was lucky that Adrien heard it's demands. Otherwise it would've gotten mad and ratted out Adrien's deepest darkest secret.

"I know what to do with it! Give it to me!"

"Ok, here y'go!"

She chucked the box at Cat Noir, and he detransformed.

"I am famished feed me" said Plagg.

"Ok, I will. Here, eat some of Ladybug's magic."

"Ooh, magic, dee- _lish_."

He put the whole wheel in his mouth, chewed, and swallowed.

"Okey-dokey, good to go!"

"Gr8! Plagg, claws out!"

Plagg, contrary to what Adrien told him do do, did not extend his own claws. Instead, he played a prank on Adrien and made _him_ grow claws instead.

He's pure evil, mwah ha ha.

Ok, so a couple minutes pass, and the akuma is defeated and purified. The only issue remaining is to use "Miraculous Ladybug!".

First, Marinette found the box. The hard part was getting the rest.

"Adrien, detransform. We're safe here."

He did that, and play came zipping out.

"Feed me!" he whined.

"I'm going to do the opposite. Open your mouth."

Plagg didn't hear the first part, so he did as told.

"Great. Thanks. Now, it's gotta be in there _somewhere..._ "

Ladybug proceeded to stick her arm down Plagg's mouth. How the entire thing managed to fit, I do not know.

Magic, how about that.

Eventually, she found the mushed upper remains of the Camembert, because Plagg actually bothered to chew before swallowing _the one time he should've swallowed it whole._

She scooped out every last piece of Camembert, and used her powers of creation to reform the cheese and put it in the box.

"Miraculous Ladybug!"

The box fell back into her hands. The cheese is upside-down and is off by a degree or two.

She fixes it and says, "Mirclaculous Ladybug!"

Swirly sparkly ladybugs fly around and fix all the damage the akuma directly or indirectly caused.

"Pound it!"

Later, at home, Marinette decided to use _all_ her free time to think of good lies to feed Alya.

Bwah ha ha.

* * *

 **I promise my next chapter will have some quality material.**

 **I wrote this chapter when I haven't slept for 22 hours.**

 **I'm actually gonna kill myself with my awful sleep schedule.**

 **Ughhhggghghgghgggggghgghgghggh.**

 **I'm aware that there is a clear lime where it changes from serious-is (seri-ish?) to just awful and completely hiss-terical.**

 **See you when I get some SLEEP.**


	4. Denouaeiouement

**ha HA i totally 4got that i had a thing to rite**

 **and i was on fanfic nonstop b4 jul 20**

 **i have no excuses**

* * *

Marinette and Adrien arrived late together the next day. They tried to _discreetly_ go to their seats, but it didn't work when the teacher saw them hand in hand and said, "Oh, are you two finally going public?"

They were confused. "Wait, _what?_ "

"C'mon," said Alix. "Don't try to hide it. You two always disappear together during class."

"You're always late on the same days," piped up Max.

"And you both go AWOL on us for hours at a time," said Nino. "At the same time, too."

"Plus, Ladybug backs it up. Had fun in the closet?" added Alya.

Marinette hadn't even spoken a word to Adrien since they said "Pound it!" since she was too busy thinking up pathetic lies and regretting her actions as Ladybug. She was sleep deprived, okay?!

Adrien thought the same, except he was regretting not making Ladybug's lie a reality.

"Oh, please. Anyone with eyes can tell that they have the hots for each other but are too dumb to realize it! Hilarious!"

Chloé's word's shocked the class. "What?" she said. "I'm telling the truth." And she was.

"Yeah, everyone! Listen to Chloé!"

Marinette's words shocked the class even more.

Mme. Bustier silenced the class and texted all the teachers to fork it over. She made a mental note to thank the pair for helping her make some extra cash.

Class happened, and then it was lunch. Marinette and Adrien sprinted away from Alya at the beginning. Marinette made it to her home just fine, but Adrien—

—was still waiting for his car.

Fear visible in his expression, he turned around and saw Alya the Crazy Journalist running to him.

 _Oh, no,_ he thought. _I have to avoid her, but the car isn't coming quickly enough._ In a split-second decision, he made a beeline for Marinette's house.

Sabine Cheng was having a wonderful day so far. Then Marinette burst through the door, quickly said something about hiding from Alya, and flew into their home. Not 10 seconds passed when Adrien Agreste tiptoed in, asked whether he could hide from Alya here, and hid upstairs.

Sabine was further confused when she heard Marinette's scream from upstairs.

 _What is going on?_

Alya came a minute later and asked to see Adrienette.

"I don't know anyone named Adrienette," replied Sabine.

Alya started to explain what a S.H.I.P. was (Single sHortening of Internominal Persons, she said) when Nathalie Sancœur popped into the bakery and asked whether she could speak to Sabine.

"I think you should go, Alya. You can come back when Mme...?"

"Sancœur."

"Sancœur and I are done talking."

Alya left. Problem surprisingly-easily solved.

"So, what did you want to speak to me about?" started Sabine.

"Adrien is usually driven home from school. Most days, he waits in the front of the school to be picked up. Today, however, Adrien was not present; subsequently, I exited the car and inquired Adrien's peers as to where he was. Everyone pointed to this bakery, so here I came."

"Ahh, Adrien is upstairs with my daughter, Marinette."

"Oh, ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)" said Nathalie. "I see. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)"

With that, Nathalie ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)'d up and ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)'d away, telling "( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)" to Mme. Cheng.

 _Why did she_ _( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) so much?_ she thought. _Surely, Marinette's crush didn't like her back. Marinette wouldn't have been able to keep it in._

Sabine was right. She was one of only two people who were, in fact. Upstairs, instead of Adrienette going on (like almost everyone believed) you had a panicking Marinette ("Oh, no, Tikki! He must've come to tell me how much he hates me for being Ladybug and for what I said to Alya! What _ever_ will I _do?!_ ") and an Adrien trying to console Marinette while on the verge of panic himself ("She's so mad that I'm here! I should never have come. What was I thinking?!")

Oh, no. What _ever_ were they _thinking_?

Chloé _hates_ being wrong. So when the entire class (minus Marinette) disagreed with her, she sought out to verify their claim. That's how she found herself in front of _Tom & Sabine Boulangerie Pâtisserie_.

Sabine's confusion didn't end yet. A few minutes had passed and Alya was about to walk back in when she saw something to her right and _flew_ away. _Why did she do that?_ mused Sabine.

When Chloé Bourgeois came into view several seconds later, Sabine immediately knew why.

"Hello, Mme. Cheng," said Chloé. "I was wondering if Marinette and Adrien were dating by chance."

"No, they aren't. At least, I'm not aware of any dating."

"I thought so. You see, most of my class and the teachers are convinced that they are dating, but I think otherwise. I _can_ admit that they are crushing on each other, though."

Contrary to popular belief, Chloé was _really_ good at reading people. It started in early Collège. She was fully aware of the consequences of her actions and what everyone thought of her, but she had a reputation to keep (she told herself. It's actually because she's afraid that everyone will reject her for her prior meanness, and that she's at least partially integrated into the social scene, so it's better than being completely alone, but no one needs to know that). So her female-dogginess continued.

"You know, that's funny. Alya came by earlier saying something about Adrienette, and Mme. Sancœur was all ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) when I told her Adrien's upstairs wi—"

"WAIT a second, Adrien's upstairs? With Marinette? I'm going up."

Before Sabine could protest, she'd disappeared up the stairs.

 _I don't get paid enough for this,_ she thought.

 _But you aren't paid for this at all,_ responded Anhilare.

 _True._

Upstairs, both waves of panic had passed and the two teens tried to sort everything out with this funny thing called 🇼🇴🇷🇩🇸. They failed. Luckily for them, an angel in the form of Chloé Bourgeois appeared to bless them.

"What are you actually doing," the angelic being told the two fish. "Are you trying to speak? 'Cause you're really failing."

In that moment, the two fish gained the intelligence and muscle coordination needed for articulatory purposes. "CHLOÉ?! What are you _doing_ here?"

"Chloé was examining her perfect manicure when she said, I came here to see if the rumors were true. I just couldn't believe them, as you know, so I came here to check for myself. Adrien responded with:"

"Chloé, did you seriously say that out loud?"

"Yes. And you will tolerate it, replied Chloé with wit and speed."

"Also how did you know that _I_ was going to respond?"

"I have my sources." Anhilare winked at her from outside the plane of existence.

"Well, then," said Marinette. "It's great having you here (it really is, yessiree), but will you tell us why you came?"

Chloé blanked. "Did you not hear anything I said."

"Nope."

She was lying.

"You're lying"

Yes she was.

"Yes I am," responded Marinette. "Now to answer your question, Adrien and I—"

"—are happy to say—" said said person.

"—that we—"

"—are—"

"—not dating." They ended in unison.

"Okay, then," said Chloé. "That's great to hear." She pulled out her phone and opened the camera app. "Now say that again."

They did.

Gabriel Agreste had just heard from Nathalie that Adrien was at Marinette's house. "Oh, he's at _her_ house, huh?"

"Yes. sir."

"Tell them to use safety." (It's so they don't get hurt when they're sparring with Adrien's swords, ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) kids. Adrien's teaching Marinette fencing. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°))

Just then, Gabriel got a text from Chloé Bourgeois and judging from Nathalie's and Gorilla's chimes, they got one, too.

" _Chloé_? Since when did _she_ start texting _us_?" he said.

They saw the video of Adrien and Marinette killing Adrienette.

"What a witch!"

Lunch ended, and Chloé walked with the two to prove that the video wasn't fake.

"So you two aren't dating?" asked Ivan.

"Nope."

"Then why were you holding hands when you walked into class?" piped up Rose.

Dead silence.

"Soo, we're not dating!"

mor ded silens

"Yeah, we don't believe you." said Alya. "Ladybug said—"

"Ladybug admitted to me later on that she was sleep deprived and that we looked cute together, so she decided to force us together," said Adrien.

Everyone turned to him.

"What? I'm a famous model. I'm easy to identify and my house is easy to find."

With that, all thoughts of Adrienette died.

* * *

About 7 months later, during summer, Adrien was spotted with Marinette, his hands on her slightly bulging stomach.

There was uproar.

"I thought you weren't dating!"

"You lied to us!"

"He says they're not dating and he goes and has a kid with her!"

"We didn't lie to you," said Marinette. "We said that we're not dating, not that we aren't together."

Silence.

"Suckers..."

 **FIN.**

* * *

 **No, I'm not gonna write about pregnant Marinette's adventures and how she has twins, names then Emma and Louis (because no one likes the name Hugo, even though it's my favorite out of all of them, just sayin'...) but oh, no! some especially evil evil comes when she's PRENGANT!? _[sic]_ and blah.**

 **Don't ask me to continue.**

 **I even wrote FIN at the end.**

 **That means THE END for people who don't know.**

 **'K, bai**

 **~Anhilare ~** ❤

* * *

 **So Someone in the reviews said that dating and together are the same thing. They're not. I can see where the misconception comes from, though.**

 ** _Dating_ is when two individuals are going on dates together. They go out, have a good time, bond, etc.**

 **Being _together_ , though, is when two people are romantically involved. They don't go out on dates. EVER.**

 **People who are dating are always together, but people who are together are not necessarily dating.**

 **It's like marriage, except there's no wedding... and there's still no dates... and they aren't necessarily living in the same abode... so not really.**


End file.
